Hottest Success Formula EVAAAAAA!

I’m writing to you from the sky. I’m on the plane to Mexico. These words are the last minute wrappings of any professional duties before I completely surrender my brain and body to a much craved winter vacation. Yes it’s 6am and I just got a little rowdy. I ordered a Bloody Mary to pad the transition from work to play. Caution: this could go rogue any minute.

Once upon a dream there was a diligently devoted Dame of Duty (and let’s get honest, it was drudgery). She was a gold medalist, breaking records and hearts on her conveyor belt of everlasting toil and tasks. A first world entrepreneur, (wow “first world”? Nothing existed before us? Such a mix of arrogance, privilege, and pathetic, and yeah, I’m going with it anyway.) she was beholden to a bold but bizarre work ethic. She would stop at nothing to get the job done. Wearing her badge of workaholic faith, she abandoned family, friends, entertainment, even food and sleep She probably even passed up sex just to check that one last thing off her to do list before retiring for her 4 hours of beauty sleep.

In the midst of her magnificent flow of fierce productivity, out of nowhere swung the inevitable cosmic 2x4. You know the one. It lays you flat on your sweet ass. It was the mirage in the desert she was galloping towards that turned out to be no mirage at all, rather a quite tangible solid brick wall.

Only as she lay in the wreckage of her shit and shock did it all begin to make sense. There were signs along the way she refused to see.

Like when she missed her brother’s wedding because with the flight and all, the timing just didn’t work, or the fact that she hadn’t been out with the girls in oh… two and a half years? Really, had it been that long?

The lazy Sundays of sleeping in, cuddling, watching movies and strolling to the coffee shop were either distant memories or something she watched in a Nicholas Spark movie. To put it bluntly she had put all her eggs in her fancy, hope gilded career basket. She failed to recognize that in her efficiency and fast tracking she’d been riding the crazy train.

If you’re reading this and haven’t connected the dots back your self; I’m here to burst your blissful bubble of naivety. The rest of you have a self-signed copy of this tragic novella on your internal bookshelf.

The spiritual sledgehammer comes in a variety unrelated forms, bodily injuries, divorce, disease, maybe depression, whatever it takes to get your attention. In the end it kicks your ass regardless. Its not so subtle message boils down to this: “Bitch, slow it down. I mean NOW”.

Demonstrative grand sweeping displays of flagrant self-care might be just what your inner lady is calling for.

I’ve concocted an infallible formula for this imperative.

I call it the holy art of rest and play.

1.)  PLAY

Most of us don’t even know how to play. In classes I lead, I often ask students to share how they play. What I most commonly hear are things like, “I read books, I go for long walks, I work out, I watch a sunset, or I meditate.”

So if you took a pack of 5 yr olds and told them these were on the menu for playing, they’d burst into to tears and want to go home.

Oddly enough playing takes effort. Most adults suck at it.

Ask yourself how do you play? I mean really play! Can you put away agenda, restrictions, logical objective, or strategies and just play? Be silly, laugh, explore, be nonsensical and outrageous!

2.)  RELAX

Sleep is usually first on the list. It’s good and totally necessary. I give it two thumbs up. As a matter of fact I’m a total nap beast.

 In the vast spectrum between work and slumber there are heaps of relaxation variants I invite you to explore. How do you relax without totally checking out? I’m not talking about mindless internet browsing, Netflix, or snoring. After your inner child had been let out to frolic and romp let the pursuit of relaxation begin!

Okay that being said, my plane is about to land and I’ve got some boogie boarding, Frisbee playing, and hammock lolling to do. 

(finishing this post 2 weeks later...)

When my ladies arrived for our retreat, my head was clear and my heart wide open. I got to resume the amazing work I do in this world with a fresh appreciation and perspective.

Are you postponing self care, relaxation, play, and restoration? What’s your excuse? Is it money, time, or an endless task list that is sabotaging you? Please check in with your body. Take even one day and devote yourself to yourself.  This is the key to sustainable success…Trust me I’ve had to learn the hard way. Yep I still have the scars to prove it!

Love, Light, and the "F word"

Ms. Pepper Valenzuela, one of my sheroes!

What do you mean by “Fuck Perfect”? Isn’t that kind of negative? Do you have to use THAT kind of language?

No I don’t have to, I choose to. Let me tell you why…

I believe it is the energy we bring to our words that gives them meaning. Any word can be used to disempower you, or empower you. That choice is yours.

For me the word fuck has a fierceness that gets your attention. First off it says, “No I won’t be blowing any sunshine up your butt, it’s time to get real!”

It invites you to show up with a hole in your stockings, and to go ahead and break a nail in pursuit of something genuine. Rolling off the tongue it vibrates with the kind of determination that took down the Berlin Wall, and kept Gandhi fasting for sovereignty.

“Fuck Perfect” invites me to get back up, wipe off the dirt, blood, or both, and try again. Without the noose of perfection, all that exists is practice. I can do that. Oh and by the way, practice does not make perfect. Practice makes us stronger, wiser, and much more patient. Just when I think I’m gaining some form of mastery, another layer is revealed. A more complex subtle stratum my less practiced self had not yet the capacity to perceive.

“Fuck Perfect” gives me permission to quit living lies. The masks can fall wayside. I can ask for help when I need it. I can receive feedback without being crushed. I can open myself up a little more to the other beautiful messy humans. It allows me to love all of me and all of you.

If the word bothers you, try owning it.  It’s a word, not a grizzly bear, not the weapon of mass destruction you’ve turned it into. You have the power to take it back. I give you permission to try it on, roll it around your mouth, see how it tastes. Then when you find yourself caught in the cross hairs of your own perfection myth, paralyzed by fear of failure and what others might think…Let that baby rip!

I’ve turned it into my sacred freedom mantra. Come on, chant it with me three times. Inhale and... “Fuck perfect! Fuck perfect! Fuck perfect!!!!

2014, You have been my passive aggressor.
You with your psychological warfare
Your sexy homelessness
illicit push and pull
Candy Land Ladders and Shoots
me.
Love and Rockets
in the morgue of all I thought I knew.
You told me to strip for you
Not only clothing, but my skin.
I know a teacher when I see one.
Farewell Sensei. 

Are You Grinding The Gears?

No doubt there has been forward motion. I'm not one to sit around and stagnate.

However as I look back on my progress I notice something I call the "start and stop syndrome". Maybe you can relate...
I come on strong, taking the bull by the horns,  kicking some proverbial ass. Right up until I'm yawning, bored, distracted, scared, wary, confused, or what have you. This cycle has prevailed for years in some way, shape or form. 

I'm done excusing this as "just the way things go." As I examine it further, putting it under the microscope of mindfulness it looks like this:

On the highway of life some cars are totally stalled out, even abandoned. Some have flat tires. Others are driving blindly down the road with a tarp on their windshield crashing into anything in their way. I see cars that are too insecure to even leave the garage. Then I see mine, like someone just learning to drive a clutch. Lurching forward, engine revving, blasting ahead other times killing it and starting over again. Over the years I've made lots of headway, but lordie what a jerky ride!

I get that there is always going to be stop lights along the way. My focus right now is just making graceful transitions through the gears. Keep reading and I'll tell you my simple 3 step plan! (I said simple, not easy.)

1.) Small steps =  sustainable = smooth ride
I know I'm sick of me preaching about the small steps thing too, but damnit it's true! 
Quit taking on so much at once. Pick one small thing and master it. Let the shift become habit. When it's the new default, then move on to the next thing.

2.) Polish the old victories
We all forget. I forget, you forget. Ask yourself, "Where have I already succeeded?" Make a list. Go ahead pat yourself on the back, prance around a little. Then go back and double check that list to see if you're still effectively rocking those things. (I just did that with flossing and found I needed to re-establish my dental dogma.)
Evidence of past victories reminds you that you are in fact, a capable bad ass!

3.) Just For Today
I think AA uses this one a lot. Don't worry about next week or 2 years from now. What are you doing today? Are you staying present? Are you doing your best right now in this moment? There's nothing like overwhelm to extinguish your fire, make you quit before you even start. So don't go there, be here now!

Yeah that's me cruising along in my smooth sexy ride! 
The best part is we get to keep messing it up, changing it up, doing it better, learning and loving. There is no perfect way to do it. F**k perfect just get out there and drive a little better baby!

How much P are you putting Your ool?

Yep there is some scary shit going on in the world right now.
 I won't deny that. As a matter of fact I can not think of a time since I've been alive or before that, when there wasn't some scary shit going on in this crazy world of ours.

AND there is a lot more normal okay stuff going on at the same time. For example, the very fact that millions of people commute to work everyday in a somewhat cooperative manner is miraculous and says a lot about humanity. With each of us engaging in our own neurotic mind chatter, we still manage to merge onto freeways, stop at traffic lights, not run over pedestrians. HELLO?! As mundane as that may sound, just stop and just marvel at these sane daily human interactions. WOW. We're pretty amazing.

What about the random acts of kindness, the courage, forgiveness, tenacity, joy, humor, and other pure awesomeness that is happening constantly all around you?
What? Are you missing it? Are you even looking for it?
I'm afraid too many of us are not.

How do most people start their morning? The news. Ugh. Not just the news, but a very specific biased fear ridden lens of what is considered "news". What a bizarre way to calibrate, talk about putting on your gloom and doom glasses! Then as if that isn't enough to make you want to throw yourself off of the first tall building you see, you go back for more, for news updates, commentary, and don't forget the evening news.

I was recently in a hotel gym in Dallas. The gym was pretty tricked out and fab except for one thing, the gargantuan TV that was blaring Fox News. I had my ear buds in, listening to my workout tunes as loud as my little ear drums could handle, and still I couldn't completely drown out the toxic mantra. I could clearly make out three words over and over and over again. Gouged into my pysche were these 3 fear laced buzz words:  ISIS, Ebola, and terrorism. 

Talk about polluting my inner space, peeing in my pool, poisoning my attitude. I could feel it like a hangover casting its shadow on my disposition. I felt hopeless and defeated,  overwhelmed by issues I had no real control over. The worst part being the issues I did have control over were tainted by my dismal outlook on life that day.

Why? Why would we intentionally do that to ourselves? Yeah we all get it. Things aren't perfect, sometimes they straight up suck. F**k perfect! What is going right? What are you inspired about? Start your day with some of that!

I am not opposed to being informed. I am asking you to be equally informed. Inform yourself of the kindness, the heart warming, the pee your pants from laughing so hard, the REST of what is happening all day every day!

Notice your conversations. What are you leading with? Are you spreading the despair? Enough bitching about world problems, unless you're offering a realistic solution that you're ready to be an active agent in, then please shut up already! I dare  you to bring something else. Bring your own version of inspiration, peace, humor, and compassion to the world. 

Todays permission slip goes out to you News junkies, I give you permission to turn it off. Get off the couch. Go for  a walk. Listen to birds singing. Watch a sunset. Meet your neighbor, chances are you'll find out he's not a terrorist.  Become accountable for what your putting into your mind and for what you let come out your mouth.

What do you say? 

Wild Child Where Are You?

I know you're all grown up now. You haven't played dress up in years. (not that kinda dress up anyway.) You don't eat the frosting off your cupcake and the leave the rest anymore. Hell you don't even eat cupcakes. You floss regularly. Really, you do? Wow I'm impressed.

Doesn't matter. That little, funny, silly, sometimes bratty, mischievous, wild child is still alive and kicking inside of all your alleged maturity. 

Time to check in. Say hello! 

 Hi five to your inner surfer, wave rider, wild child. She is unpredictable to say the least, the original shape shifter, age drifter, her symbol is the lava lamp, her totem? Every face of the totem pole! She is a rebel with a cause.... to be deeply felt! She will not be silenced, ignored, or bored! She's right there asking all day, e'er day, "Hey Wanna play?"

Got it? Good.

How to be Funk Free and other Fairytales

Do you ever feel disgusting, barely able to stand yourself? Of course you do. Just admit it.

 I'll just say it like it is. I hear varying versions of this from my friends, clients, and humans in general.
I'm in the midst of one of those inner debacles now.

Here's a way too honest glimpse of my inner hater Circus:
The volcano erupted last night as I felt the impact of the parental gavel slam hard on my psyche. Every way that I have failed as a parent was broadcast over my internal loudspeaker. There were cheerleaders on the sidelines (without cellulite!...Body BS? We'll get to that just wait) egging the crowd on. 

This morning in Barre class unfortunately there was a mirror. Need I say more? All of my internal repugnance had a looking glass to prance upon. It might have been the longest hour of my life. Try as I may to to avert my own gaze, I fell captive to my own self loathing. As I averted my eyes and attempted a state change I began to look at the women all around me. At first it was in a high school comparing sort of way. ("What? She's a life and body coach, she's supposed to be better than this" Yeah one of my inner voices always says that too.) I scanned for all the ways they were better than me. Taller, younger, more fit, perky boobs, cellulite free, elegant hands, the list went on and on. Something shifted inside me. My ruthless comparing was interrupted. I began to see how that woman with the tiny waist I was coveting was self conscious about the width of her hips. Her clothing choice, and the way she held herself confirmed it. My heart got squishy as I continued to look around the room at all of us and our inevitable insecurities. 

What about the days I feel amazing, when I am filled with confidence and purpose? It's not as if my physiology has taken a grave turn to justify the depths I can plummet to.
Granted, I spend far less time in a funk than I used to, and yet every time I go there, it's equally sucky! 

The question is not "why does this happen?".  What is the question then?

How do we move forward despite the loathing lens?

Just that. We move forward despite the loathing. I still went to Barre class! Nothing in me wanted to get out of bed, yet I did. Okay so that's exercise. What about work???? How can I be inspired to write when I feel like this? Well I'm writing, taking this yuck experience and using it as my inspiration. I'm not writing a blog telling you the 5 things you can do to never again feel like crap. I'm getting honest and keeping it real.

There's a time to be still, to go inward and listen. For me...these are not those times. Paralysis, checking out, and borderline depression like to masquerade as "stillness". In times like these, there's one survival strategy that keeps me above water. it's Action.

Action deletes fear. Action deletes apathy. Action cures all sorts of things. I'm not talking about mammoth efforts or herculean undertakings, just one tiny action step. 

Feel like shit? Yeah me too. What is the one small step you're going to take that'll keep moving you in the direction of your dream? 

Oh one more thing...don't take yourself too seriously, it's only life after all.