"The Dance of the Masculine and the Feminine" by Leela Francis

My earlier years of hiking and backpacking consisted of me and my avid outdoorsman boyfriend who loved to get out in the backcountry and rough it for a few days. Nature called and we both loved to gear up and get out into the wild where there were no sounds but the birds, the creaking of the tall trees and the waterfalls we passed along the way.

As much as these outings remain blessed memories and formative experiences in my evolving love and appreciation for nature, I began to realize that my partner always had a persistent striving to get us somewhere as fast as possible. I on the other hand preferred to wander and day dream my way, communing with the scents and textures at every turn. Sometimes this would result in an undercurrent of conflict between us. He was more about where we needed to get to, and I was more about where we already were. His practical, goal driven approach inevitably won out, and I seemed always to be torn from my reverie.

Years later, when I happened to start going on outings with a small circle of women friends, I noticed how profoundly different it was. We planned shorter distances whether hiking, biking or kayaking, and always had time and space to “stop and smell the flowers”. It wasn’t long before I was choosing the sister accompanied outings over those with my lover.

In hindsight, I get why we had to get where we were going. Darkness would eventually come and we needed to have covered the distance we intended in order to reach our desired location, which was what brought us there in the first place. I know this approach is not better or worse, just different. The masculine is different than the feminine. And the reality is that they are always dancing with each other within and around us

The reality is also that in the very patriarchal world in which we live, driven predominantly by masculine values and mindsets, the masculine overshadows the values and sensibilities of the feminine. While both are absolutely necessary for life on this planet, a clear lack of balance is evident. But is it balance that we need to achieve and which would bring peace, ease and fulfillment? Or, is it more an understanding and appreciating of the attributes of each, and that engaging each to enhance the other that would most serve us?

So many women who come to Vividly Woman circle start by sharing that they’ve lived almost exclusively in a masculine world in their work life for years. They feel so cut off from their feminine aliveness and starving for their true feminine nature. Once in circle and in the sacred and safe space of other sisters also craving more of their divine feminine juiciness, they start to melt away the hardened shell that formed to protect their softer essence.

It’s natural to create that shell like boundary when we are surrounded by it in the environments where we spend most of our time. Although I personally have very little experience in corporate settings, as the mom of 3 teenage stepsons I can relate wholeheartedly. It’s natural for the feminine to shy inward in the overwhelming testosterone prominent energetic because that’s the nature of the feminine; soft, inward, compliant, flowing, malleable. Without this quality in our world there would be no meandering rivers, there would be no melting snow, no merging of the seasons.

The masculine like wise brings with it essential qualities that are necessary for the beauty in our world. The masculine offers the banks of the flowing river so that it flows instead of floods, the outer casing of the tree we call the trunk bark that allows the sap direction and encasement to grow branches skyward so we are provided oxygen, and the masculine penetrating quality of the sun is what encourages our food to grow to sustain us.

Just like the way the masculine and feminine exist in nature, they exist within us and finding the ways that the masculine best serves our inner feminine is the wisest and most effective way to dance with it within us and around us.

Recently in a Vividly Woman monthly community tele-circle we gathered to reflect and share about the dance of the masculine and feminine in our lives.  It’s clear that there is a strong desire now for women to nourish more of our feminine nature to make up for the over abundance of masculine energy we’ve been inundated with. But is this all that’s needed? Don’t we also need to identify the ways that the masculine supports and nourishes the feminine, and enroll those aspects of ourselves to expand our inner feminine aliveness?

Here are some qualities of each:

Masculine qualities

Boundaries

Direction

Force

Commitment

Feminine qualities

Fluidity

Spontaneity

Ease

Devotion

Let’s look at how can we pair up these qualities to optimize, enhance and grow ourselves, our vision, and our planet?

The freedom loving aspect of our fluid feminine nature, that loves to day dream and absorb ourselves in the moment through our senses, could be harnessed and boundried by the masculine to amplify our rich sensuality and make it even more potent.

The spontaneity of our creative feminine wildness could benefit from some sense of masculine direction to harness the power of that wildness, apply it to a desired goal and achieve it.

The masculine force of a motor facilitates a feminine ease of travel.

And the masculine quality of commitment becomes necessary when all the feminine essence devotion in the world just isn’t enough to sit through the football season with your husband in exchange for him attending the flower show with you last spring.

The fact that we have been so immersed in the masculine energetic for so long qualifies us as experts, unfortunately often to the exclusion of our feminine blessings. Perhaps the answer is not to throw out the baby with the bath water so to speak, but to creatively and wisely interweave the gifts of the masculine to support and expand the blessings of the feminine.

Look around at your life and see where you are using mostly masculine or mostly feminine qualities. Then determine if a dash of the opposite could be useful there. Instead of thinking “how can I balance one with the other?” think, “how can I enhance, grow, optimize one with the other?”.

The dance of the masculine and the feminine is indeed a dance where one leads, one follows, and one channels and is informed by the other in a constant feedback dynamic. It’s how this planet continues to exist and flourish, and how we can too!

Is your foundation faltering? Part 1

Let's take a look at our foundations, our roots.

There are 5 foundations of Self that must be tended in order for anything we're creating to grow strong!

I've spent years in Self sacrifice, believing that everything and everyone else took priority over my petty needs. Ahem, that was a series of disappointments and disasters!

If you'e expecting something esoteric and electrifying coming next, stop reading now.

Foundation #1

The topic of the hour is SLEEP. Yes that warm cozy nocturnal blanket of restoration so many of us deny ourselves. I realize there are times in our lives when sleep eludes us, and there is a grab bag full of other valid reasons for sleep disruption. Set those aside, relax your defenses, grab a cup of chamomile and snuggle in.

My favorite time to create, and achieve is while the rest of the house sleeps. I held onto this story for along time until I realized while this my be true, I no longer have the luxury of sleeping in til noon. (Is that even possible anymore? It's be fun to find out). The morning parade of family, home, clients, and a bagillion other requests, calls, unexpected upsets, and gifts goes on whether I'm on my game or not.

When I am rested:
 I can really show up for my life in a way that matters.
 I am clear headed and thoughtful in my approach.
 I notice opportunity and seize it! My eyeballs don't feel like lead weights waiting to fall out of my head roll across the floor!
I have foresight.
Here's the big one: I am emotionally clear! Less drama and heart ache! I don't take things personally.

There are a couple sure fire things that drastically affect my ability to sleep, let me share them with you.

~Computer off at least 1 hour before bed time.
~No caffeine after 11am
~Exercising early in the day, makes me a tired girl by bed time!
~EAR PLUGS! These have been a godsend!

The real issue is boundaries. If I set them it's up to me to keep them. Can I trust myself to keep my agreements with myself??? YES, I am delighted to say, more and more of the time the answer is yes!

What are you noticing that supports or interferes with your sleep? After all it is one of the 5 foundations to a sane and successful life, and a healthy vibrant body!

Got Time?

I recently heard a supposedly true story...
 When preparations were being made for the Olympics in China, the staff was being trained on how to engage visitors in culturally appropriate small talk.
During the training for "American small talk", Chinese were instructed to talk about how busy they are and how time is just flying by. "Americans love to talk about how they just don't have any time!"


Wow. Really? Does this imply we're on our own weird time trip? That really got me thinking.


Let's look at our language choice:
Do you spend your time?
Do you invest time?
What about creating time?


Try it. Go through each one, switch it around, make an I statement. Read it out loud.


"I am spending time." 
"I am investing my time"
"I am creating time for..."
All of these could be true and used in nearly the same context. Each statement elicits a different bodily response. What did you notice?


As you go through your busy day, I offer you a few time salvaging tips.


1) Do not check your email first thing in the morning! 
Ever notice how an hour evaporates in just a few minutes? Talk about a time warp! 
Spend a few minutes getting clear on the priorities of your day first thing. What are the goals? Notice I did not say the "to-do list". Make it more important than that, a list of your goals for the day. Remember things like a walk, a nap, dancing, or a relaxing bath can count as very important goals in your day. When you have your list, number them according to priority.
Formulate an email/FB strategy. I'm talking about boundaries here! Before you go online, gather your wits about you, decide how much time you choose to give this. An hour? 30 minutes? Scan for priority emails, answer those first! When your time is up, MOVE ON! Look at your goals for the day and get on with it!


2) Turn off media alerts! 
Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end if you wait to answer a text,  return a call or an email. Finish what you're working on. Enjoy the conversation with the person in front of you! Be present. Set a time to check texts, return calls, and emails. This may be a few times through out your day, but please do not make it your default mode. Each time you are interrupted, you lose focus and momentum. 


3) The dishes can wait!
This is my personal weak spot. It takes so much will power to leave the mess til later! Any time a project gets difficult my default is to clean. It's instant results, I know I'm good at it, so I'll feel like a success, right? In the long run, noway. I can do the dishes several times a day, and say I just don't have time to get to Yoga class, I'm lying to myself. 


4) Are you still watching TV? If so, watch it intentionally. 
What show or shows are really important to you? If you have TiVo, or another method to zip you thru commercials, use it! Set some boundaries for yourself, how much television do you want to be watching? 


 What are you creating time for in your life right now? 

"Your Not the Boss of Me!"

Know any people who appear outwardly successful, but that’s all they seem to do is work? They don't know how to relax, or have fun?

Know any people who are whimsical free spirits yet they never seem to follow through, they don’t finish what they start?

Let’s talk about the balance of freedom and form.

This is one of my favorite Nia principles.

 Freedom and form are like yin and yang, like inhale and exhale, like sound and silence. Each gives birth to the other.  Each depends on the other to reveal its true nature.  

Most of us have a lot of one or the other. We can thrive when we access and blend the two!

Freedom is the feminine free and flowing, expansive and creative.

Form is the masculine, the rules, strong and set, exact and concrete.

"When I grow up I am not even going to have beds in my house, they won't be allowed!"I remember declaring to my mother, along with, "I am going to have candy for breakfast and chips for dinner everyday!"

Thankfully my parents held Form, and I took care of the Freedom as most children do. 

Who parents us when we're grown? Who protects my health and well being with firm structures now? Who creates and upholds boundaries?

I do. And you must do the same for yourself.

Debbie Rosas says “we balance the feminine with the masculine, the precise with liquid fluidity and the powerful with the yielding.”

 It’s only in the last 5 years have I begun to really intuit, play with and exercise the balance.

Let me explain: To me Form is a structure that supports me, it parents me. For instance my schedule or daily routines, I love to sleep in, my Form gets me up early, keeps my yoga practice alive, keeps me taking my vitamins, and drinking more water. Keeps me checking emails, returning phone calls, and working diligently at my computer, when I’d otherwise be procrastinating like nobody’s business!

My form gives me a steady rhythm to my days, weeks, and months. It’s like a good strong bass line in a song.

My Freedom keeps me dancing, journaling, collaging, going for hikes, watching Office reruns with my teenage son. My freedom lets me peruse the Goodwill, and let my house get a little messy! Let’s me create new workshops and dance moves.

When balanced my freedom has boundaries, but it can thrive within Form. My form stays strong but pliable , not rigid.

Some of us go to the other extreme and strangle our creativity, snuff out our playfulness with too much Form. These people are convinced Freedom is dangerous, it can not be trusted, it's a waste of time. In general I find these folks not too much fun to be around. (Although they generally have very nice cars I wouldn't mind owning.)

 Form is like a loom, and freedom is colorful threads. One is useless without the other. If you are creating the rich tapestry of an intentional life you must incorporate both! For any intention to not only survive, but to thrive, both are essential!

Ask yourself how your balance of Freedom and Form is supporting you.  Check in, what do you find, a lot of tangled threads, or too much bare empty loom?  What kind of tapestry are you weaving?