What is a Womens Circle anyway?

Describing the experience of sitting in a Women's Circle is like attempting to capture the magic of a sunset in words to offer someone who can not see, or finding words to deliver the taste and texture of fine chocolate to the palette of someone who has never had such pleasure.

I am asked the question, "What is a Women's Circle anyway?" a lot these days, and my first thought is, "Just come. Come experience it for yourself, because words have not yet been invented to do it justice." 

However, some people require more convincing than just that. So this post is for all of you!

A woman's Circle is an ancient way women have gathered to work, create, visit, dance, pray, grieve, celebrate, and be in council and community. As far as history and herstory have record of and undoubtedly before then, Circles have served humanity.

It is only in recent times we have changed the format, and so we have suffered. When women view one another as competition and as a threat, we rob ourselves of the gift of sisterhood. Sacred Circle is one of the ways we heal that wound and see one another with new eyes and an open heart.

When I sit in Circle I can see into each woman's eyes. I see her unique beauty, vulnerability, and her power. 

As I hold the stone, I am invited to speak my truth. There is no hurry, I do not have to think ahead of time what it is I "should" say. I can ask myself, "what wants to be said now?" and wait for the words to come to me. Often I am surprised by what comes out of my mouth. There is no agenda or expectation. 

I have relief knowing whatever I say is ok. There will be no feedback, no one offering solutions, or referrals. The Circle is safe, confidential, it is it's own covenant. My authenticity has space to exist. I learn about my essential self as I listen to my own voice with curiosity. At times I pass the stone and honor the voice of my own silence. This is a place free from judgement, especially my own self judgement.

We are a mirror for one another. My sisters speak and I remember we are the same. I empathize with her, and so I have empathy for me. Sometimes I slip into judgement and arrogantly believe I know what's best for her, what she should do, ha!  I sense the tension and contraction in my body, I release this notion that I know best, and return to open loving presence. What a relief, it isn't up to me to fix it! I learn to listen earnestly with my whole being. I stay curious and keep returning to a place of no judgment. This practice alone has made me a better mother, spouse, coach, facilitator and friend. 

In Circle we invite wisdom to come to us and through us, and it does! Circle has become one of my greatest teachers. Circle says, "Come, show up, and be exactly who you are, exactly where you are in your life in this very moment. It is ok. Just be as you are."

My mission is to set the feminine free! The work I do invites women to step into their leadership. Holding space for women to gather and return to Circle is one of many aspects of feminine leadership we offer. 

Look for a Women's Circle in your area, or if you're interested in starting your own contact me. I'd love to support you. Remember, when sleeping women wake, mountains will move!

"The fundamentals of spirituality connect us rather than separate us. Women meeting in circles with a spiritual center are in a sacred space, are practicing and developing compassion when they listen, and are deepening themselves.  The more circles there are, the easier others can form. At the same time, each circle adds to collective human consciousness. Each one is one more on the way toward the metaphoric 

millionth circle and the end of patriarchy".  ~ Dr Jean Shinoda Bolen.

My Body, My Guide

Life is such an ironic trickster, wouldn't you say?


Once again I'm brought face to face with walking my talk. The old saying you have to "live it, to give it" just dropped by for an excruciating visit last week.


I am a Life&Body Coach. I help guide people who are stuck in their head back home to the wisdom of their bodies. I like to boldly imagine that, I too heed the wisdom of my own body. *Ahem* Let's just say there are varying degrees of listening.


At the end of a life altering, super expansive week facilitating  Sacred Sensual Splendor in Mexico, my body was humming with pleasure. In fact I was unable to find anything other than pure pleasure tingling and pulsing in every cell. It was the first time in more than a decade I could recall such a clear message from my body. It seemed to be saying, "Thank you! Finally you're in full alignment with your divine purpose!"


I've been on a plan of methodical transition from 20 years of working in my barbershop to working full time as a Coach and Vividly Woman facilitator. As my business has grown I have released barbershop days one by one. And I've been down to just one day a week.


In those 20 years I have given toddlers their first haircuts, cheered when, as young children they lost their first teeth, celebrated when these teens graduated high school, and smiled as they return home from college to introduce me to their girlfriends (and sometimes boyfriends). I have held those who have just lost their spouses, consoled and congratulated people through all sorts of life changes. I have come to love my clientele. They are another family, they are my friends.


For quite awhile now my back has been the loudest voice of my body.


In 1982, my 5th grade freedom was rudely interrupted by the corseting of the "Boston body brace".  It would be worn 23 hours a day for the next six years of my adolescent life. I was warned about my "bad back"and the pain and or possible disability in my adulthood. Little did I know my spine was to be one of my greatest teachers over and over again.


Last Wednesday was my first day returning to the barbershop after Mexico bliss. My back started talking the second I laid hands on my first client of the day. Quick jabbing pains and tightening that took my breath away let me know something was not ok. By the end of the day I lay on the barbershop floor in tears, unable to get myself into my car.


I'd been in a familiar cycle for several months now. It went something like this: My body feels great while I'm coaching and facilitating workshops, dance, and Yoga. I barber all day Wednesday and as a result, Thurs-Sat my back aches. I receive regular chiropractic, massage, and acupuncture, by Sun it's feeling good again. I had a hundred reasons why I needed to be barbering on Wednesday and managed to blind myself to this cycle until last week when the truth was louder than all my reasoning.


"Hey Body Coach, get out of your head!" I am listening now. My body is no longer being built to barber.


I have a whirlwind of emotions going on today as I stay home on my first Wednesday. It's one thing to talk about retiring, it's another to do it.


Today I feel a little bewildered, like I have a lot of space and I'm dizzy with possibility. I feel sad, I sense grief in my entire chest and upper back. I feel relieved, and I sense that in my shoulders, stomach, and temples.


This is where the rubber meets the road. To trust even though this is not in the plan. I say farewell to my loyal barbershop clients, the safety of my old livelihood, and the pain in my body. Today I embrace my potential. I step off into faith and know that only one of two things will happen....


I'll either touch down on solid ground, or I will fly!

Foundations faltering? Part 2 fffffffood!

Ever hear of a food hang over? Ever have one?

Who knew the day would come when I would find myself craving kale? Feels like a dream come true,  or to some, maybe a nightmare! Nonetheless...  true story!

 
My motive for choosing healthy live whole foods because I actually desire them, (rather then because I "should"eat them), is one of the gifts of doing the "4 bodies work". 

I am feeding my mind body, enticing it with interesting, uplifting, and  positive material. I am feeding my emotional body with proper daily doses of laughter, play, and creativity.I am feeding my spiritual body with meditation, gratitude, living my purpose while searching for the light in all things.

The result is a natural ability to listen to what my physical body is asking for.By nourishing my body, my temple, it runs well. I sleep better, I have sustained energy, and more focus. I feel confidant and strong.It was not always this way! I have a tangled twisted herstory with food. When I lived mainly in my head, before I was able to distinguish between the image in the mirror and who I AM, my emotions dictated when I starved myself, when and what I ate. I was spiritually cut off and living (not really living,more like going through the motions) without purpose. I perceived food and my body as the enemy.On my journey back home to the wisdom of my body, I have used one simple but extremely effective tool in healing my relationship with food and finally developing a relationship with my body. That tool is pausing before I eat to sit and give thanks. This isn't a religious ritual, as much as a moment to reflect on where this food came from. Who planted, tended, and harvested this food? How many hands worked to bring me this meal? Thank you. Somewhere stands an apple tree that grew this apple I'm about to eat. Thank you. I spend a moment with my body realizing it's amazing ability to receive and know exactly what to do with food to serve my highest health. Thank you. Soon the gratitude is palpable, I can sense it tingling through me. When I eat I am now conscious of the miracle at hand!Artist: Hall

Vulnerability

I'd love to write a long post about vulnerability and share story after story of experience in this raw state. Instead I'll insert this brilliant video for you to watch by a woman I deeply admire and love listening to!

Enjoy

Is your foundation faltering? Part 1

Let's take a look at our foundations, our roots.

There are 5 foundations of Self that must be tended in order for anything we're creating to grow strong!

I've spent years in Self sacrifice, believing that everything and everyone else took priority over my petty needs. Ahem, that was a series of disappointments and disasters!

If you'e expecting something esoteric and electrifying coming next, stop reading now.

Foundation #1

The topic of the hour is SLEEP. Yes that warm cozy nocturnal blanket of restoration so many of us deny ourselves. I realize there are times in our lives when sleep eludes us, and there is a grab bag full of other valid reasons for sleep disruption. Set those aside, relax your defenses, grab a cup of chamomile and snuggle in.

My favorite time to create, and achieve is while the rest of the house sleeps. I held onto this story for along time until I realized while this my be true, I no longer have the luxury of sleeping in til noon. (Is that even possible anymore? It's be fun to find out). The morning parade of family, home, clients, and a bagillion other requests, calls, unexpected upsets, and gifts goes on whether I'm on my game or not.

When I am rested:
 I can really show up for my life in a way that matters.
 I am clear headed and thoughtful in my approach.
 I notice opportunity and seize it! My eyeballs don't feel like lead weights waiting to fall out of my head roll across the floor!
I have foresight.
Here's the big one: I am emotionally clear! Less drama and heart ache! I don't take things personally.

There are a couple sure fire things that drastically affect my ability to sleep, let me share them with you.

~Computer off at least 1 hour before bed time.
~No caffeine after 11am
~Exercising early in the day, makes me a tired girl by bed time!
~EAR PLUGS! These have been a godsend!

The real issue is boundaries. If I set them it's up to me to keep them. Can I trust myself to keep my agreements with myself??? YES, I am delighted to say, more and more of the time the answer is yes!

What are you noticing that supports or interferes with your sleep? After all it is one of the 5 foundations to a sane and successful life, and a healthy vibrant body!

Got Time?

I recently heard a supposedly true story...
 When preparations were being made for the Olympics in China, the staff was being trained on how to engage visitors in culturally appropriate small talk.
During the training for "American small talk", Chinese were instructed to talk about how busy they are and how time is just flying by. "Americans love to talk about how they just don't have any time!"


Wow. Really? Does this imply we're on our own weird time trip? That really got me thinking.


Let's look at our language choice:
Do you spend your time?
Do you invest time?
What about creating time?


Try it. Go through each one, switch it around, make an I statement. Read it out loud.


"I am spending time." 
"I am investing my time"
"I am creating time for..."
All of these could be true and used in nearly the same context. Each statement elicits a different bodily response. What did you notice?


As you go through your busy day, I offer you a few time salvaging tips.


1) Do not check your email first thing in the morning! 
Ever notice how an hour evaporates in just a few minutes? Talk about a time warp! 
Spend a few minutes getting clear on the priorities of your day first thing. What are the goals? Notice I did not say the "to-do list". Make it more important than that, a list of your goals for the day. Remember things like a walk, a nap, dancing, or a relaxing bath can count as very important goals in your day. When you have your list, number them according to priority.
Formulate an email/FB strategy. I'm talking about boundaries here! Before you go online, gather your wits about you, decide how much time you choose to give this. An hour? 30 minutes? Scan for priority emails, answer those first! When your time is up, MOVE ON! Look at your goals for the day and get on with it!


2) Turn off media alerts! 
Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end if you wait to answer a text,  return a call or an email. Finish what you're working on. Enjoy the conversation with the person in front of you! Be present. Set a time to check texts, return calls, and emails. This may be a few times through out your day, but please do not make it your default mode. Each time you are interrupted, you lose focus and momentum. 


3) The dishes can wait!
This is my personal weak spot. It takes so much will power to leave the mess til later! Any time a project gets difficult my default is to clean. It's instant results, I know I'm good at it, so I'll feel like a success, right? In the long run, noway. I can do the dishes several times a day, and say I just don't have time to get to Yoga class, I'm lying to myself. 


4) Are you still watching TV? If so, watch it intentionally. 
What show or shows are really important to you? If you have TiVo, or another method to zip you thru commercials, use it! Set some boundaries for yourself, how much television do you want to be watching? 


 What are you creating time for in your life right now? 

"Your Not the Boss of Me!"

Know any people who appear outwardly successful, but that’s all they seem to do is work? They don't know how to relax, or have fun?

Know any people who are whimsical free spirits yet they never seem to follow through, they don’t finish what they start?

Let’s talk about the balance of freedom and form.

This is one of my favorite Nia principles.

 Freedom and form are like yin and yang, like inhale and exhale, like sound and silence. Each gives birth to the other.  Each depends on the other to reveal its true nature.  

Most of us have a lot of one or the other. We can thrive when we access and blend the two!

Freedom is the feminine free and flowing, expansive and creative.

Form is the masculine, the rules, strong and set, exact and concrete.

"When I grow up I am not even going to have beds in my house, they won't be allowed!"I remember declaring to my mother, along with, "I am going to have candy for breakfast and chips for dinner everyday!"

Thankfully my parents held Form, and I took care of the Freedom as most children do. 

Who parents us when we're grown? Who protects my health and well being with firm structures now? Who creates and upholds boundaries?

I do. And you must do the same for yourself.

Debbie Rosas says “we balance the feminine with the masculine, the precise with liquid fluidity and the powerful with the yielding.”

 It’s only in the last 5 years have I begun to really intuit, play with and exercise the balance.

Let me explain: To me Form is a structure that supports me, it parents me. For instance my schedule or daily routines, I love to sleep in, my Form gets me up early, keeps my yoga practice alive, keeps me taking my vitamins, and drinking more water. Keeps me checking emails, returning phone calls, and working diligently at my computer, when I’d otherwise be procrastinating like nobody’s business!

My form gives me a steady rhythm to my days, weeks, and months. It’s like a good strong bass line in a song.

My Freedom keeps me dancing, journaling, collaging, going for hikes, watching Office reruns with my teenage son. My freedom lets me peruse the Goodwill, and let my house get a little messy! Let’s me create new workshops and dance moves.

When balanced my freedom has boundaries, but it can thrive within Form. My form stays strong but pliable , not rigid.

Some of us go to the other extreme and strangle our creativity, snuff out our playfulness with too much Form. These people are convinced Freedom is dangerous, it can not be trusted, it's a waste of time. In general I find these folks not too much fun to be around. (Although they generally have very nice cars I wouldn't mind owning.)

 Form is like a loom, and freedom is colorful threads. One is useless without the other. If you are creating the rich tapestry of an intentional life you must incorporate both! For any intention to not only survive, but to thrive, both are essential!

Ask yourself how your balance of Freedom and Form is supporting you.  Check in, what do you find, a lot of tangled threads, or too much bare empty loom?  What kind of tapestry are you weaving?