I often find myself in the
role of the untamed heretic of my tribe, unwilling to fully digest the kool
aid. The Enneagram would attempt to explain that is a normal consequence of my
being a “7”, the jack-of-all-trades, master of none syndrome. My astrologer
assures me it’s my Gemini moon giving levity to my Taurus sun, while disarming
my Scorpio rising. I suppose I’d say the same if I could fully devote myself to
any one manmade system compartmentalizing all the gorgeous chaos of this juicy
messy life. Instead, I keep flitting around from idea to idea, tribe to tribe,
checking out the wares and never buying the proverbial real estate.
Here’s the deal, I don’t
care about your fucking business. AT. ALL. I could give not one shit how much
money you make. Seriously, this is me not caring, lalalalala.
Here is why: I care about
your soul. I’d love to introduce your ego to her. I’m here to rouse that
sleeping Goddess in you and get you dancing in ecstasy, howling at the moon,
and becoming the most radical, unapologetic, honest version of yourself. Maybe
making butt loads of money is a symptom of that, or maybe it means you’re
quitting your business entirely and go straight up Eat, Pray, Love on our
asses.
Over the last decade I have
witnessed myself, my clients, colleagues, and mentors cycle through a similar
process. It has become tediously predictable, it’s practically paint by
numbers. Maybe you’ll recognize it…
Part 1 is sparkly with lots
of glitter, investment invitations, and over the moon promises, ahem bought it
hook, line, and sinker. It feels like a hot crush, and smells like cookies
baking.
Part 2 could simply be called
the workaholic phase, but we can only use that term waaaay later in hindsight.
For now let’s just say, she has no time her friends, lovers, children, personal
hygiene, home cooked meals, and free time. Social life now means networking.
Part 3 is success finally!
Or kind of, well almost, I mean I’m not getting paid for it yet but…
Part 4 is making a living.
Poor choice of words since “living” usually entails having fun, hobbies,
vacations (as in computer turned off), spontaneity, leisure, enjoying nature,
parties and such. I mean the bills are getting paid.
Or maybe she’s even crushing
it financially, and still she wonders at what cost.
Part 5 is the break down,
which is comprised of sub stages: depression, feelings of being a fraud, lack
of inspiration, addictions revisited, weight gain, faking it til ya make it,
hours wasted on FB, and general self loathing.
Part 6 depends on if she
hears the full moon whispering her name, and is she willing to betray her
calendar in order to save her own soul. Can she open her mouth and fill the
space with the guttural cry that looses the dam of truth and tears? Will she
remember who she was and still is underneath her brand, her vision board, and
her team? Will she do whatever it takes to dive in and rescue that precious
pearl of her inner knowing, to adorn herself with the only accolades that ever
mattered, the glorious truth of her own priceless essence? Yep I’m talking
about the reclamation baby. The moment she realized this was the only prize she
was desperately craving. Her own approval was all she was ever yearning for.
The business, the clients, degree, titles, fancy figure income, all of it was
only there to fulfill the old proverb: “Ya don’t know what ya got til its
gone.” She had to lose herself, to find Her Self.
I call it the Shero’s
Journey.
Like I said, I could care
less about your fucking business. Show me your soul.
Take off your shoes, maybe
all your clothes too. Get out there under that big sexy moon tonight and soak
it in. Bathe your sweet self in mystery, inhale autumn’s seductive musk, while
the soft animal inside of you runs wild again.
Let your ego root itself in
your soul.
I’ll leave you with this
quote from a wise, wise teacher of mine.
“It is best to be humble and
not expect something majestic, for then we would probably miss what does arrive. Yes, if our sensing is
subtle, such that each bodily cell becomes a star or a rose, we will recognize
the mystery when it arrives. Its impact, like an earthquake, might rearrange
the very ground of our lives.” Bill Plotkin
