Magic formula for the New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

resolution |ˌrezəˈloō sh ən|

noun

1 a firm decision to do or not to do something :  a New Year's resolution.

intention |inˈten ch ən|

noun

1 a thing intended; an aim or plan . • ( one's intentions) a person's designs.

goal |gōl|

noun

•  the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result : going to law school has become the most important goal in his life.

• the destination of a journey.

 Ask yourself these questions:

1)   Where do I want to be in my life next year?

2)   What kinds of things do I see myself doing?

3)   What areas of my life have I been neglecting?

4)   Am I happy in my relationship?

5)   Am I happy in my home?

6)   Am I happy in my career?

Now that you’ve got the mental pot stirred up…

Take 5 minutes to brain storm, write freely about the changes you feel inspired to consider. Don’t over think it. You can not do it wrong, just go for it, let er rip!

Now for the magic formula: 

Mental: Some of what you wrote is going to be trash, and as you wade through the trash you’ll find some gems. Jot down what feels most important to you. Pay attention to the wording. Focus on what you are moving toward, rather what you are leaving behind.

Ex: I am quitting my job.

OR

I am starting a new exciting job that I love in the field of (insert your data), on or before (insert date)!

Emotional : Check in, say the goal out loud, how does it FEEL? If it feels like B.S., it’ll never happen. Adjust it, keep it realistic, keep tweaking it until it feels possible. Add  language that ignites you. Dress it up with adjectives and adverbs that bring your emotions to life.

Ex: I am going to travel more this year.

 OR

I am traveling to Troncones, Mexico and attending that awesome retreat, “Sacred Sensual Splendor”, everyone’s been raving about. I’m going to swim in warm water, body surf, dance, play on a beautiful open beach, and eat gourmet authentic Mexican cuisine!

Feel the difference?

Spiritual: Spend a few minutes letting the dust of the day settle. Just breathe. If you notice your mind chattering away, just observe, don’t believe it, judge, it, or try to stop it. Let your belly swell with air and draw your belly button back into your spine, exhale nice and loud with a sigh.

Let the waters of your being calm down. Think of a stormy raging ocean, that being the stress we hold onto. You could throw a semi truck into it that water and no one would notice.

Visualize and feel the waters calming. See a clear placid pond. Even a tiny pebble tossed in would be heard, as the tiny waves ripple out across the water.

That is the difference of 2 inner states of being. When you are distracted or stressed your intention is swallowed by the storm from within.

If you take a few minutes to rest, breathe, and become centered, your intention is noticed. It’s vibration ripples through you and out into the universe.

Each day take a few minutes to center yourself.

Gratitude is a key ingredient! Pause to gratefully notice all that is working. Take inventory of everything that is going well.

 Review your intentions. Visualize your results. Be sure to feel your success. Emotions energize your intentions and remind you of why this is important to you!

I like to think of this as setting your GPS or recalibrating each day. This keeps your intentions in your field awareness. When opportunity arises you’re awake to take action.

Develop a practice of taking at least 5 minutes each day to do this. If you miss a day, oh well. Start again. This will be the single most important intention or resolution you will ever cultivate in your life!

Your thoughts + emotions + actions = results!

Question of the day: What is the most important thing I can do today to align with my intentions?

Do that 1 thing. Each day,  just one thing. Small sustainable steps will keep you from burning out.

Remember it’s about the journey. It has to be enjoyable if you’re going to stick with it!

Take a look at what is working in your life. Celebrate your successes! Success breeds success. What you focus on grows!

Happy New Year!

We Are Made New Every Moment

The pause after the big Holiday Hurrah, aahhhhhhhh sweet relief.

How will you spend the last week of 2011?

Let's start with how NOT to spend it:

Over indulging in preparation for the self imposed New Year's famine ahead.

The old guilty feelings of "oh I better eat this and not let it go to waste" are nothing but old guilty garbage. If it's not nourishing your body, if you're feeling sick of the sugar and rich holiday left overs, you DO NOT have to eat em! (I won't tell your mama or grandma.)

Surely by now you've cleared the house of empty boxes and wrapping paper, I give you full permission to throw out as much junk food as you want. You may toss whatever it is into the compost bin and be done with it already. I used to have this guilt thing with food on my plate, I had to stuff it in because heaven forbid I be wasteful. How is eating more than I want or need being any less wasteful?

Mind you, I am not saying you must do this. However, in case you're wandering around your kitchen nauseous from a food hangover, wishing that pie would stop staring at you, consider this a written permission slip to throw it away!

The less indulgent you are this week, the easier any upcoming changes will be, and small incremental changes are easier to sustain. Remember slow and steady wins the race!

BTW, anything new you may be considering starting doesn't have to wait til next week. You can start that new yoga class today. You can walk instead of drive, you can even stop drinking, smoking, gossiping, or nail biting today just as well as Jan 1st.

I'm not rushing you, just saying....

Simply Solstice

We all know it's the first day of winter, but otherwise what's the big deal?

Some call it the birth of the sun. It was celebrated for ages before Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanza. (Pardon me if I missed any others.) Back when religion had more to do with earth, sun, weather, stars, rain, etc. gods and goddesses were created to ensure fertility of crops, animals, and people.

Mistle toe, holly, lights (fires), gift giving, and more all are survivors of this lineage. Somewhere along the line the church got tired of the battle they lost year after year. Suppressing the peasant festivals, ceremonies and rituals. If you can't beat em, join em! Slap your holiday right over theirs and everyone can celebrate.

Break out the festive meats and cheeses, it's time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, or is it? It still comes as shock to many of us, that Jesus wasn't born on Christmas, or even in winter. Bethlehem's tax season was in the spring. There's no harm in celebrating Christmas as the birth of Christ, and good to be educated on the facts. How can we bicker about other cultural celebrations happening this time of year when we realize how we've all borrowed and begged of each other's ideas, cultures, and traditions over the centuries? Remember, nothing has any meaning other than the meaning you give it.

As for Solstice, if you choose, it's a nice time for releasing the old, leaving it in the darkness and embracing the new as we step into winter's first light.

As for me, I'll celebrate every chance I get. Life's too short to squabble over parties. The more the merrier!

What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Season Survivor strategy #2 Holiday Parties

For many of us the holiday cheer goes straight to our rear, thighs or love handles more like it.

Not only are many of us triggered emotionally this time of year, BUT everywhere we look there's oh so tasty sugary treats, and delicious drinks laden with heavy cream and alcohol. It's a disassociater's paradise.

What is your #1 pitfall? Deprivation!

Do not go to a party and plan to chew only sugar free gum and sip on carbonated water in between lip gloss applications. Not only will you be bored out of your wits, you'll be BORING! Yes, you may look totally hot in that dress, but if it was all about looks they would've requested you send a picture of yourself, instead of your person. Besides, the look of self sacrifice upon your face will crash anything the dress had going on.

In this kind of all or nothing mentality, your extreme self will and obsessive self monitoring will keep you preoccupied. You'll be stuck your head going over and over your taboo list only half listening to the conversation, irritable, and fake.

What's your strategy?

My favorite trick. Use it all year round! Mama knew what she was talking about... eat your vegetables!!! I'll say it again louder, EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!

Before you leave home. Eat a big salad, not a puny lettuce and tomato salad either, put all sorts of crunchy texture, taste, color variety in. The more nutrients you're packing into each calorie, the less hunger and less craving you experience. Or fill up on a delicious stir fry. Dr. Fuhrman author of Eat to Live, points out a few things that make sooo much sense.

1) Volume: If your stomach is empty you'll probably end up gorging on crap.

2) Nutrients per calorie: Many overweight people are malnourished and actually starving. Empty calories are nearly void of nutritional value. If your nutritional needs are not being met you will be wanting to eat all the time! Eat nutritionally dense meals. Ironically, more micro nutrients = less calories.

3) Calorie Counting? Lots of unnecessary work, Pay attention to what's in your calories.

All this to say, after you've set the foundation, filling up with some healthy pre-party food, go to the party, have a drink, eat some dessert, enjoy the Holiday season! Make socializing, or dancing the main event, rather than eating or drinking. Everything in moderation. You'll be fine, no you'll be fantastic!

Remember life is meant to be enjoyed. If your strategy lets you enjoy life, your far more likely to succeed!

Collage, "joy" by Kara McKay

Holiday hell? Simple Surviving the Season Strategy #1

I'll be the first to admit I live in a happy holiday bubble. A bubble of my own making. I rock around my own christmas tree in my wet Seattle winter wonderland, with my ear buds safely sealing in the sounds of Silver Bells and Frosty.

"But it's so stressful..." Why? Because we have collectively agreed to make it so. Because what you focus on grows.

Since stress seems to be the hot end of the year topic:

1) STOP SHOPPING FOR EVERYONE!

(This does not apply to your young children.)

How many "I didn't forget about you" trinkets have you received with glazed eyes and smile to simulate airs of appreciation. Regift? More junk for Goodwill?

Here in the western world, our cups runneth over with jic-jac. I dare you to just STOP!

STOP ALREADY!

Heresy I know.

It will take people a while to really get it. They'll think you're being coy and wait for you to give them festive meats and cheeses in return for the 2011 collector ornament they gave you.

Yes, people will talk behind your back. "You know they don't even get me a gift this year..." (they talk behind you back anyway, who cares?)

I realize there will be exceptions, a boss or spouse. If you're really savvy you'll get your spouse on board as well. Forget the standard gifts, plan a night out together, spend more than just money, spend time together!

We've recently started a holiday tradition of making up batches of homemade Baileys. We bring this as gift to parties, dinners, etc. (See, we aren't bah humbugs, just more fun than your average guest.)

Another idea I love and put into practice, is giving a gift that will change a family's life. this year we are giving goats to family rebuilding their lives in Afghanistan. www.womenforwomen.org

Empower yourself to choose a new way, break a negative stress cycle, create a new easy tradition that allows you to kick back and enjoy your family, the lights, the yummy treats, to tweak the season to make it work for you.

As for the rest of the frenzied stressed out world? Smile, hug them, share some of that holiday joy you're accumulating from all the extra money, time, and energy you have!

Stretch Marks of Success

~ art by Bree Mathiason

Great so I've done it! It only makes sense that I should be kicking back, sipping a mental margarita (if not the real thing), basking in sweet relief and atta girls! Right???

I have observed in myself a strange phenomenon. Each time I expand into a new area, step outside my comfort zone I go through an emotional obstacle course. Exhilaration, fear, dread, determination, courage... Then the actual action! The moment of stepping beyond my norm, I hold the hand of my fear and leap!

The vague and brief after glow gradually turns into a glow of embarrassment which thus far has guaranteed me an emotional collapse and tear tango within 24 hours of said success.

WTF?

I have observed this in my coaching clients as well. And here's the parable I'll offer:

He's been there for so many years, a gruff stern, but safe kind of giant. (Mine is usually Russian, don't ask.) I hired him as my emotional bodyguard somewhere in my first 6 yrs of life. He has kept me from falling off cliffs, down into wells, protected me from boogey men, dragons, and eventually from personal growth and success.

While he served me well in the beginning, this last decade he's been more of a pain in the patookus.

Making me sit still when I want to dance, quiet down when I want to speak up, and for god sake, no running in the house, jumping on the bed, digging in the dirt, and you get the idea.

Why?

Because if I mess up, embarrass myself, him, or any of my ancestors, imagine what might happen.

What? What'll happen?

He tells me I'll die.

Really? Wow. Dead, huh? That's a big deal. Are you sure?

Yep. He knows for a fact that's the only possible outcome.

Apparently I installed an army of these guys to keep me in line. Each time an opportunity is offered to me, they tell me the same thing. If I do it, I'll screw it up, and we all know what happens then!

I've been a naughty girl. A rebel. I've been a doubting Thomas, and I've recklessly been drawing outside the lines, not wearing panties, singing Happy Birthday off key (loudly), and challenging the rules in the safety guide.

For 20 yrs I was waiting to be perfect before I auditioned for life.

I'm doing it! Whatever the challenge is, the opportunity presented, if I feel that feisty inner girl perk up, I take the emotional obstacle course head on!

The bodyguard, my old friend and guardian calls out a warning of genuine concern for my wellbeing. If I take one more step out of bounds, I won't ever be able to get back. "Stop! Don't do it!" he cries. I glance back toward his fearful pleading, and realize it is not I who will die, but his purpose. He will no longer be needed, all his work and regulations will disappear along with those old stories of propriety, piety,  and playing small.

These emotional stretch marks of success appear as I grow into who I AM!  A very real death occurs. The passing of old body guards and self limiting beliefs.

It's ok. I'll make room for these tears of transformation. After all I am the Sacred Sassy Heroine of this unfolding tale!