Save Her. Savior. Save Your Self.

I often find myself in the role of the untamed heretic of my tribe, unwilling to fully digest the kool aid. The Enneagram would attempt to explain that is a normal consequence of my being a “7”, the jack-of-all-trades, master of none syndrome. My astrologer assures me it’s my Gemini moon giving levity to my Taurus sun, while disarming my Scorpio rising. I suppose I’d say the same if I could fully devote myself to any one manmade system compartmentalizing all the gorgeous chaos of this juicy messy life. Instead, I keep flitting around from idea to idea, tribe to tribe, checking out the wares and never buying the proverbial real estate. 

Here’s the deal, I don’t care about your fucking business. AT. ALL. I could give not one shit how much money you make. Seriously, this is me not caring, lalalalala.

Here is why: I care about your soul. I’d love to introduce your ego to her. I’m here to rouse that sleeping Goddess in you and get you dancing in ecstasy, howling at the moon, and becoming the most radical, unapologetic, honest version of yourself. Maybe making butt loads of money is a symptom of that, or maybe it means you’re quitting your business entirely and go straight up Eat, Pray, Love on our asses.

Over the last decade I have witnessed myself, my clients, colleagues, and mentors cycle through a similar process. It has become tediously predictable, it’s practically paint by numbers. Maybe you’ll recognize it…

Part 1 is sparkly with lots of glitter, investment invitations, and over the moon promises, ahem bought it hook, line, and sinker. It feels like a hot crush, and smells like cookies baking.

Part 2 could simply be called the workaholic phase, but we can only use that term waaaay later in hindsight. For now let’s just say, she has no time her friends, lovers, children, personal hygiene, home cooked meals, and free time. Social life now means networking.

Part 3 is success finally! Or kind of, well almost, I mean I’m not getting paid for it yet but…

Part 4 is making a living. Poor choice of words since “living” usually entails having fun, hobbies, vacations (as in computer turned off), spontaneity, leisure, enjoying nature, parties and such. I mean the bills are getting paid.

Or maybe she’s even crushing it financially, and still she wonders at what cost.

Part 5 is the break down, which is comprised of sub stages: depression, feelings of being a fraud, lack of inspiration, addictions revisited, weight gain, faking it til ya make it, hours wasted on FB, and general self loathing.

Part 6 depends on if she hears the full moon whispering her name, and is she willing to betray her calendar in order to save her own soul. Can she open her mouth and fill the space with the guttural cry that looses the dam of truth and tears? Will she remember who she was and still is underneath her brand, her vision board, and her team? Will she do whatever it takes to dive in and rescue that precious pearl of her inner knowing, to adorn herself with the only accolades that ever mattered, the glorious truth of her own priceless essence? Yep I’m talking about the reclamation baby. The moment she realized this was the only prize she was desperately craving. Her own approval was all she was ever yearning for. The business, the clients, degree, titles, fancy figure income, all of it was only there to fulfill the old proverb: “Ya don’t know what ya got til its gone.” She had to lose herself, to find Her Self.

I call it the Shero’s Journey.

Like I said, I could care less about your fucking business. Show me your soul.

Take off your shoes, maybe all your clothes too. Get out there under that big sexy moon tonight and soak it in. Bathe your sweet self in mystery, inhale autumn’s seductive musk, while the soft animal inside of you runs wild again.

Let your ego root itself in your soul.

I’ll leave you with this quote from a wise, wise teacher of mine.

“It is best to be humble and not expect something majestic, for then we would probably miss what does arrive. Yes, if our sensing is subtle, such that each bodily cell becomes a star or a rose, we will recognize the mystery when it arrives. Its impact, like an earthquake, might rearrange the very ground of our lives.” Bill Plotkin

WTF Moon?!

It’s the full moon again. Not just any full moon, this one is in Scorpio (Hitchcock music plays in background).

 I make no claim to be an authority on Astrology. I am however an authority on myself. What I notice during Scorpio full moons is a pull toward my addictions, old addictions, the ones I thought were long gone. When the light of the full moon shines I see the scars and feel the phantom pains of decades ago. Oh and I’m usually unreasonably horny, lets not leave that awkward truth out.

What I experience over and over again are new layers of old gunk rising to the surface to be cleared. I get to feel it, in order to heal it. That old tug of addiction is just my trusty old hypothalamus standing guard with doomsday warnings telling me, “These untidy emotions are dangerous! Shut it down, it’s not safe. Don’t go there!"

If I slip into a less conscious state (like the 3 drinks later state I kind of want to flee to now) I don’t notice the self sabotaging behaviors contaminating my creation. Here are some of them:

• I stop wanting authentic connection with people and opt for quick shallow chitchat.
• I’m far too busy for meditation
• My food choices become less than nourishing
• I rush through my day
• I stop liking who I am

 The last one, that’s my “oh shit” moment of truth. Other times like right now I am watching, feeling, observing my tendencies and judgments. I’m purposely slowing down, like when I’m hiking and there’s a steep drop off. Because this hike is my life and right now I can feel the edge.

I know I’m not the only one! So if you’re feeling the tug of this moon and your running from the icky residue that’s resurfaced here are my tried and true suggestions:

1. Slow the f**k down!
2. Take a few things off your to-do list
3. Spend some time in nature (even a slow walk in the park will do)
4. Get enough sleep
5. Admit what’s going on
6. Have some great sex with someone you love and you know loves you! 

This too shall pass. As the full moon wanes so does the intensity of how it all feels. We don’t have to understand it, but we can understand ourselves and how we work.

Know thyself. When you get how you work, everything else works! In the meantime F**k perfect and stay free!

Are You Grinding The Gears?

No doubt there has been forward motion. I'm not one to sit around and stagnate.

However as I look back on my progress I notice something I call the "start and stop syndrome". Maybe you can relate...
I come on strong, taking the bull by the horns,  kicking some proverbial ass. Right up until I'm yawning, bored, distracted, scared, wary, confused, or what have you. This cycle has prevailed for years in some way, shape or form. 

I'm done excusing this as "just the way things go." As I examine it further, putting it under the microscope of mindfulness it looks like this:

On the highway of life some cars are totally stalled out, even abandoned. Some have flat tires. Others are driving blindly down the road with a tarp on their windshield crashing into anything in their way. I see cars that are too insecure to even leave the garage. Then I see mine, like someone just learning to drive a clutch. Lurching forward, engine revving, blasting ahead other times killing it and starting over again. Over the years I've made lots of headway, but lordie what a jerky ride!

I get that there is always going to be stop lights along the way. My focus right now is just making graceful transitions through the gears. Keep reading and I'll tell you my simple 3 step plan! (I said simple, not easy.)

1.) Small steps =  sustainable = smooth ride
I know I'm sick of me preaching about the small steps thing too, but damnit it's true! 
Quit taking on so much at once. Pick one small thing and master it. Let the shift become habit. When it's the new default, then move on to the next thing.

2.) Polish the old victories
We all forget. I forget, you forget. Ask yourself, "Where have I already succeeded?" Make a list. Go ahead pat yourself on the back, prance around a little. Then go back and double check that list to see if you're still effectively rocking those things. (I just did that with flossing and found I needed to re-establish my dental dogma.)
Evidence of past victories reminds you that you are in fact, a capable bad ass!

3.) Just For Today
I think AA uses this one a lot. Don't worry about next week or 2 years from now. What are you doing today? Are you staying present? Are you doing your best right now in this moment? There's nothing like overwhelm to extinguish your fire, make you quit before you even start. So don't go there, be here now!

Yeah that's me cruising along in my smooth sexy ride! 
The best part is we get to keep messing it up, changing it up, doing it better, learning and loving. There is no perfect way to do it. F**k perfect just get out there and drive a little better baby!

How much P are you putting Your ool?

Yep there is some scary shit going on in the world right now.
 I won't deny that. As a matter of fact I can not think of a time since I've been alive or before that, when there wasn't some scary shit going on in this crazy world of ours.

AND there is a lot more normal okay stuff going on at the same time. For example, the very fact that millions of people commute to work everyday in a somewhat cooperative manner is miraculous and says a lot about humanity. With each of us engaging in our own neurotic mind chatter, we still manage to merge onto freeways, stop at traffic lights, not run over pedestrians. HELLO?! As mundane as that may sound, just stop and just marvel at these sane daily human interactions. WOW. We're pretty amazing.

What about the random acts of kindness, the courage, forgiveness, tenacity, joy, humor, and other pure awesomeness that is happening constantly all around you?
What? Are you missing it? Are you even looking for it?
I'm afraid too many of us are not.

How do most people start their morning? The news. Ugh. Not just the news, but a very specific biased fear ridden lens of what is considered "news". What a bizarre way to calibrate, talk about putting on your gloom and doom glasses! Then as if that isn't enough to make you want to throw yourself off of the first tall building you see, you go back for more, for news updates, commentary, and don't forget the evening news.

I was recently in a hotel gym in Dallas. The gym was pretty tricked out and fab except for one thing, the gargantuan TV that was blaring Fox News. I had my ear buds in, listening to my workout tunes as loud as my little ear drums could handle, and still I couldn't completely drown out the toxic mantra. I could clearly make out three words over and over and over again. Gouged into my pysche were these 3 fear laced buzz words:  ISIS, Ebola, and terrorism. 

Talk about polluting my inner space, peeing in my pool, poisoning my attitude. I could feel it like a hangover casting its shadow on my disposition. I felt hopeless and defeated,  overwhelmed by issues I had no real control over. The worst part being the issues I did have control over were tainted by my dismal outlook on life that day.

Why? Why would we intentionally do that to ourselves? Yeah we all get it. Things aren't perfect, sometimes they straight up suck. F**k perfect! What is going right? What are you inspired about? Start your day with some of that!

I am not opposed to being informed. I am asking you to be equally informed. Inform yourself of the kindness, the heart warming, the pee your pants from laughing so hard, the REST of what is happening all day every day!

Notice your conversations. What are you leading with? Are you spreading the despair? Enough bitching about world problems, unless you're offering a realistic solution that you're ready to be an active agent in, then please shut up already! I dare  you to bring something else. Bring your own version of inspiration, peace, humor, and compassion to the world. 

Todays permission slip goes out to you News junkies, I give you permission to turn it off. Get off the couch. Go for  a walk. Listen to birds singing. Watch a sunset. Meet your neighbor, chances are you'll find out he's not a terrorist.  Become accountable for what your putting into your mind and for what you let come out your mouth.

What do you say?