Disclaimer: I'm expressing another point of view. I'm aware that this is a privileged vantage point where I haven't been hiding in a closet fearing for my life, nor am I facing the funeral of my own child or loved one. That being said. Here are some other thoughts...
I've said it a thousand times before and I'll keep saying it louder and more often, the crazier this world gets.
"No one knows what the fuck they're doing!"
Seriously. Not your parents, not ahem the president, not the pope, not Brene Brown, not the school shooter, not Anthony Robbins, not your boss, NO. ONE. (Except a few rare enlightened souls who never claim to know anyway.) The most seemingly put together successful adults in the world are still hoping deep down that they're doing it right. Whatever that means.
The other day I heard a comedian say, "God's driving drunk and humanity is locked in the trunk." I think we could build a religion on that one.
We've had a wonderful influx of younger women joining our Women's Circle lately. They express their shock and relief at finding a space where people aren't pretending perfection, but rather, we readily admit our confusion, and we welcome ALL emotions. I realize this generation has grown up in the clutches of social media. They were posting selfies before they were even menstruating. The Matrix has shaped their reality at a level I'll never be able to comprehend. The emphatic homogenizing lie of our consumer culture is woven into every fiber of their psyche.
The conditioning agents of mainstream education, media, and religion have done a dangerously effective job at presenting a neat and tidy compartmentalized version of life in which the gray areas and true complexities don't exist. In this manufactured simulation it's far too easy to jump into the "I'm right, you're wrong, end of story, us vs them, you're with us or against us" mentality. And when the true variables of life perplex us, the fears of "everyone has it figured out except me, what if everyone knew how screwed up I really am, they're so happy, lucky, beautiful, wealthy, (insert your own word of choice) and I'm so...not that.
No wonder the simple act of sitting in a circle of imperfect women who are sharing what's REALLY going on for them is so revolutionary! To witness another person's humble humanity is a mind-blowing act of self love that brings so many of us to tears. When we disengage from the pressures of pretending, and perfectionism we can begin to get grounded despite not "knowing" and grasp the reality of paradox.
In a world of varying frequencies and shifting dimensions there are both heartbreaking moments of utter tragedy followed by breathtaking bursts of sweet tender beauty. One doesn't cancel out the other. Everything is fucked and yet how could it be when that precious newborn baby just smiled for the first time?
Living in the present means cultivating the ability to shift gears, to beat in time with the pulse of whatever is actually before me right now. I can drop to my knees in horror and cry at the murder of innocent school children. I can feel the rage of political corporate agendas that perpetuate this bullshit. I can do everything physically possible to contribute to change in policy. But then can I let that moment move into the next and breathe in the sunrise, play hide and seek with a toddler, and laugh with the people I love?
Sometimes I fear that if I allow myself to enjoy the beautiful moments I'm being an asshole because others are still suffering. I observe the FB raging and finger pointing that goes on and on and on. I suspect that it isn't changing anything other than keeping the dust cloud of hate kicked up. Even as an activist there are times of "action" and times of rest. Too many of us confuse incessant bitching and meme posting with taking real action in the world.
Our loved ones, children, and the whole world desperately need us to snap out of it! We need to experience one another in joy, silly fits of laughter, and gentle moments of peace. That doesn't mean suppressing, denying, or ignoring what's wrong in the world. It means not staying stuck in the hell of it.
Besides the impact our daily mood has on those closest to us, we are also feeding the greater collective. Those who are most sensitive energetically and emotionally, those who suffer from mental illness are most deeply affected by humanity's collective field. All the rage, hate, hurt, shame, guilt, blame, and yuck doesn't just go away. It's an energetic cloud we're all living in. Can I step into some responsibility and accountability? How are my thoughts, words, and actions affecting the bigger picture? And what wounded soul might be ready to pick up a gun and be pushed into irreversible action based on the energy I keep unconsciously putting into the field?
If we stop shouting and shooting hate at each other, maybe we can stop playing into the pressure cooker "look at my perfect life, I'm not like them!" divisive social media game. Instead can we spend more time asking heartfelt questions, even more time listening, and then taking cohesive effective well thought out unifying actions? All the while knowing none of us really have all the answers or know for sure why we're here on this planet, or what the heck is going on. But that doesn't mean we can't try our best and cut each other some much needed slack.
Because at the end of the day, we're all just walking each other home.
