Before I knew we were light

I began my search for you pre-utero

incarnating to divide 
to multiply myself 

so we could see eachother

with new organs and senses

perspective of polarity.

The longing of belonging 
kept us close

brushing, pulsing, pressing, pushing 

we found a rythmn. a heart beat.

We made the words 
which made worlds.

letters and sounds. 
alpha beta alphabet

 fractal, holographic theory, quantum

to give clues 
to our favorite hiding spots

I learned to dance, 

another way to operate this body 

an invocation of grace and seduction

movement led by sensing 

listening for you.

Into your infinite sets of arms

 I wrapped myself

smelling your codes and formulas 

extracting sex from the rest of life

making gods 
of knowledge and currency

imposing limitations, habits, 

a firm belief that you were not real.

I traversed drug doorways to dimensions 

where you housed your outermost edges

refugees, expats, and tricksters

they taught me about your underbelly

the fleas and mites of nether regions

The holiest of paradox

I can only have all of you

when I am willing to settle 

for all of me.

I sat in your darkness 
and let it stir me

before I knew we were light.

Letters to the Beloved

Photo by Siattle Olvera

My heart is imploding with a Love so holy it sears and melts the constructs of language.

 I have no concern for how this lands and if you get it. 

It trickles into the porous nooks and crevices taking root and growing me back into you, until we are both so full that the lie of deprivation swallows itself whole.

There are no more instructions to follow except ecstasy. 

These words flow out and they are love songs, paintings, strip teases, and sermons of service and devotion. 

This is my altar and shrine to you. 
I leave my offerings. 
Curling incense smoke like a halo, I breathe you. 

I discover more space for you to fill.
I venture behind uncomfortable locked gates
a deer in the headlights of this Love. 

Surrendering the sullen parts 
that shroud the hidden gems
Your Love demands every morsel 
My given over, scooped out, splayed open beingness
is only the first yes.