Love, Light, and the "F word"

Ms. Pepper Valenzuela, one of my sheroes!

What do you mean by “Fuck Perfect”? Isn’t that kind of negative? Do you have to use THAT kind of language?

No I don’t have to, I choose to. Let me tell you why…

I believe it is the energy we bring to our words that gives them meaning. Any word can be used to disempower you, or empower you. That choice is yours.

For me the word fuck has a fierceness that gets your attention. First off it says, “No I won’t be blowing any sunshine up your butt, it’s time to get real!”

It invites you to show up with a hole in your stockings, and to go ahead and break a nail in pursuit of something genuine. Rolling off the tongue it vibrates with the kind of determination that took down the Berlin Wall, and kept Gandhi fasting for sovereignty.

“Fuck Perfect” invites me to get back up, wipe off the dirt, blood, or both, and try again. Without the noose of perfection, all that exists is practice. I can do that. Oh and by the way, practice does not make perfect. Practice makes us stronger, wiser, and much more patient. Just when I think I’m gaining some form of mastery, another layer is revealed. A more complex subtle stratum my less practiced self had not yet the capacity to perceive.

“Fuck Perfect” gives me permission to quit living lies. The masks can fall wayside. I can ask for help when I need it. I can receive feedback without being crushed. I can open myself up a little more to the other beautiful messy humans. It allows me to love all of me and all of you.

If the word bothers you, try owning it.  It’s a word, not a grizzly bear, not the weapon of mass destruction you’ve turned it into. You have the power to take it back. I give you permission to try it on, roll it around your mouth, see how it tastes. Then when you find yourself caught in the cross hairs of your own perfection myth, paralyzed by fear of failure and what others might think…Let that baby rip!

I’ve turned it into my sacred freedom mantra. Come on, chant it with me three times. Inhale and... “Fuck perfect! Fuck perfect! Fuck perfect!!!!

"Your Not the Boss of Me!"

Know any people who appear outwardly successful, but that’s all they seem to do is work? They don't know how to relax, or have fun?

Know any people who are whimsical free spirits yet they never seem to follow through, they don’t finish what they start?

Let’s talk about the balance of freedom and form.

This is one of my favorite Nia principles.

 Freedom and form are like yin and yang, like inhale and exhale, like sound and silence. Each gives birth to the other.  Each depends on the other to reveal its true nature.  

Most of us have a lot of one or the other. We can thrive when we access and blend the two!

Freedom is the feminine free and flowing, expansive and creative.

Form is the masculine, the rules, strong and set, exact and concrete.

"When I grow up I am not even going to have beds in my house, they won't be allowed!"I remember declaring to my mother, along with, "I am going to have candy for breakfast and chips for dinner everyday!"

Thankfully my parents held Form, and I took care of the Freedom as most children do. 

Who parents us when we're grown? Who protects my health and well being with firm structures now? Who creates and upholds boundaries?

I do. And you must do the same for yourself.

Debbie Rosas says “we balance the feminine with the masculine, the precise with liquid fluidity and the powerful with the yielding.”

 It’s only in the last 5 years have I begun to really intuit, play with and exercise the balance.

Let me explain: To me Form is a structure that supports me, it parents me. For instance my schedule or daily routines, I love to sleep in, my Form gets me up early, keeps my yoga practice alive, keeps me taking my vitamins, and drinking more water. Keeps me checking emails, returning phone calls, and working diligently at my computer, when I’d otherwise be procrastinating like nobody’s business!

My form gives me a steady rhythm to my days, weeks, and months. It’s like a good strong bass line in a song.

My Freedom keeps me dancing, journaling, collaging, going for hikes, watching Office reruns with my teenage son. My freedom lets me peruse the Goodwill, and let my house get a little messy! Let’s me create new workshops and dance moves.

When balanced my freedom has boundaries, but it can thrive within Form. My form stays strong but pliable , not rigid.

Some of us go to the other extreme and strangle our creativity, snuff out our playfulness with too much Form. These people are convinced Freedom is dangerous, it can not be trusted, it's a waste of time. In general I find these folks not too much fun to be around. (Although they generally have very nice cars I wouldn't mind owning.)

 Form is like a loom, and freedom is colorful threads. One is useless without the other. If you are creating the rich tapestry of an intentional life you must incorporate both! For any intention to not only survive, but to thrive, both are essential!

Ask yourself how your balance of Freedom and Form is supporting you.  Check in, what do you find, a lot of tangled threads, or too much bare empty loom?  What kind of tapestry are you weaving?