Season Survivor strategy #2 Holiday Parties

For many of us the holiday cheer goes straight to our rear, thighs or love handles more like it.

Not only are many of us triggered emotionally this time of year, BUT everywhere we look there's oh so tasty sugary treats, and delicious drinks laden with heavy cream and alcohol. It's a disassociater's paradise.

What is your #1 pitfall? Deprivation!

Do not go to a party and plan to chew only sugar free gum and sip on carbonated water in between lip gloss applications. Not only will you be bored out of your wits, you'll be BORING! Yes, you may look totally hot in that dress, but if it was all about looks they would've requested you send a picture of yourself, instead of your person. Besides, the look of self sacrifice upon your face will crash anything the dress had going on.

In this kind of all or nothing mentality, your extreme self will and obsessive self monitoring will keep you preoccupied. You'll be stuck your head going over and over your taboo list only half listening to the conversation, irritable, and fake.

What's your strategy?

My favorite trick. Use it all year round! Mama knew what she was talking about... eat your vegetables!!! I'll say it again louder, EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!

Before you leave home. Eat a big salad, not a puny lettuce and tomato salad either, put all sorts of crunchy texture, taste, color variety in. The more nutrients you're packing into each calorie, the less hunger and less craving you experience. Or fill up on a delicious stir fry. Dr. Fuhrman author of Eat to Live, points out a few things that make sooo much sense.

1) Volume: If your stomach is empty you'll probably end up gorging on crap.

2) Nutrients per calorie: Many overweight people are malnourished and actually starving. Empty calories are nearly void of nutritional value. If your nutritional needs are not being met you will be wanting to eat all the time! Eat nutritionally dense meals. Ironically, more micro nutrients = less calories.

3) Calorie Counting? Lots of unnecessary work, Pay attention to what's in your calories.

All this to say, after you've set the foundation, filling up with some healthy pre-party food, go to the party, have a drink, eat some dessert, enjoy the Holiday season! Make socializing, or dancing the main event, rather than eating or drinking. Everything in moderation. You'll be fine, no you'll be fantastic!

Remember life is meant to be enjoyed. If your strategy lets you enjoy life, your far more likely to succeed!

Collage, "joy" by Kara McKay

Holiday hell? Simple Surviving the Season Strategy #1

I'll be the first to admit I live in a happy holiday bubble. A bubble of my own making. I rock around my own christmas tree in my wet Seattle winter wonderland, with my ear buds safely sealing in the sounds of Silver Bells and Frosty.

"But it's so stressful..." Why? Because we have collectively agreed to make it so. Because what you focus on grows.

Since stress seems to be the hot end of the year topic:

1) STOP SHOPPING FOR EVERYONE!

(This does not apply to your young children.)

How many "I didn't forget about you" trinkets have you received with glazed eyes and smile to simulate airs of appreciation. Regift? More junk for Goodwill?

Here in the western world, our cups runneth over with jic-jac. I dare you to just STOP!

STOP ALREADY!

Heresy I know.

It will take people a while to really get it. They'll think you're being coy and wait for you to give them festive meats and cheeses in return for the 2011 collector ornament they gave you.

Yes, people will talk behind your back. "You know they don't even get me a gift this year..." (they talk behind you back anyway, who cares?)

I realize there will be exceptions, a boss or spouse. If you're really savvy you'll get your spouse on board as well. Forget the standard gifts, plan a night out together, spend more than just money, spend time together!

We've recently started a holiday tradition of making up batches of homemade Baileys. We bring this as gift to parties, dinners, etc. (See, we aren't bah humbugs, just more fun than your average guest.)

Another idea I love and put into practice, is giving a gift that will change a family's life. this year we are giving goats to family rebuilding their lives in Afghanistan. www.womenforwomen.org

Empower yourself to choose a new way, break a negative stress cycle, create a new easy tradition that allows you to kick back and enjoy your family, the lights, the yummy treats, to tweak the season to make it work for you.

As for the rest of the frenzied stressed out world? Smile, hug them, share some of that holiday joy you're accumulating from all the extra money, time, and energy you have!

Stretch Marks of Success

~ art by Bree Mathiason

Great so I've done it! It only makes sense that I should be kicking back, sipping a mental margarita (if not the real thing), basking in sweet relief and atta girls! Right???

I have observed in myself a strange phenomenon. Each time I expand into a new area, step outside my comfort zone I go through an emotional obstacle course. Exhilaration, fear, dread, determination, courage... Then the actual action! The moment of stepping beyond my norm, I hold the hand of my fear and leap!

The vague and brief after glow gradually turns into a glow of embarrassment which thus far has guaranteed me an emotional collapse and tear tango within 24 hours of said success.

WTF?

I have observed this in my coaching clients as well. And here's the parable I'll offer:

He's been there for so many years, a gruff stern, but safe kind of giant. (Mine is usually Russian, don't ask.) I hired him as my emotional bodyguard somewhere in my first 6 yrs of life. He has kept me from falling off cliffs, down into wells, protected me from boogey men, dragons, and eventually from personal growth and success.

While he served me well in the beginning, this last decade he's been more of a pain in the patookus.

Making me sit still when I want to dance, quiet down when I want to speak up, and for god sake, no running in the house, jumping on the bed, digging in the dirt, and you get the idea.

Why?

Because if I mess up, embarrass myself, him, or any of my ancestors, imagine what might happen.

What? What'll happen?

He tells me I'll die.

Really? Wow. Dead, huh? That's a big deal. Are you sure?

Yep. He knows for a fact that's the only possible outcome.

Apparently I installed an army of these guys to keep me in line. Each time an opportunity is offered to me, they tell me the same thing. If I do it, I'll screw it up, and we all know what happens then!

I've been a naughty girl. A rebel. I've been a doubting Thomas, and I've recklessly been drawing outside the lines, not wearing panties, singing Happy Birthday off key (loudly), and challenging the rules in the safety guide.

For 20 yrs I was waiting to be perfect before I auditioned for life.

I'm doing it! Whatever the challenge is, the opportunity presented, if I feel that feisty inner girl perk up, I take the emotional obstacle course head on!

The bodyguard, my old friend and guardian calls out a warning of genuine concern for my wellbeing. If I take one more step out of bounds, I won't ever be able to get back. "Stop! Don't do it!" he cries. I glance back toward his fearful pleading, and realize it is not I who will die, but his purpose. He will no longer be needed, all his work and regulations will disappear along with those old stories of propriety, piety,  and playing small.

These emotional stretch marks of success appear as I grow into who I AM!  A very real death occurs. The passing of old body guards and self limiting beliefs.

It's ok. I'll make room for these tears of transformation. After all I am the Sacred Sassy Heroine of this unfolding tale!

Giving Thanks

Thanks giving. Giving thanks.

What follows was written by a teacher of the Toltec tradition, the same school of wisdom that Don Miguel Ruiz draws on in his books, including The Four Agreements. It begins:

When we no longer take Life for granted, we become grateful for everything that we have. Assuming that we are entitled to anything in life robs us of our awe at the opportunity to be grateful.

I recall a friend of mine calling up one day, struggling with the notion of death. A friend of the family was in the final stages of cancer and was going to be passing on soon. She asked me, “Why Death?”

We talked for sometime and after she had made some peace with the specific issues that were troubling her I asked her, “Why Life?” Why do we get to have this experience at all? We weren’t promised any deal. We aren’t owed this opportunity to create experiences. No one was under any obligation to deliver us any particular deal in this realm. And yet we are here. A wide open opportunity to wake up and do something completely different every day. Every day, every moment even, an opportunity to create something in our life. We might just use the gift of every day to recreate it like every other day. Or, one day, we might not. One day we might look at it a little differently and do something completely differently. What is so different for me these days than the days of old is a profound sense of gratitude for the simplest things in my life. Why have I been blessed with so many gifts and so many moments of opportunity to experience them? My logical mind has no idea. But I will not waste my opportunity today struggling with that question. There may not be many days left so I will savor the ones I have with gratitude. When you are aware that death will someday come, you no longer take life for granted.

Thank you, Life. Thank you for this breath. 
Thank you for this inhale. 
Thank you for this exhale.

Thank you, Heart.
 Thank you for this pounding.
 Thank you for this pulsing.
 Thank you for this Love.

Thank you, Feet.
 Thank you for this walk. 
Thank you for this run. 
Thank you for this Dance.

Thank you, Eyes. 
Thank you for the Sunrise.
 Thank you for the Sunset. 
Thank you for all the Colors.

Thank you, Ears. 
Thank you for the Music. 
Thank you for the Rhythm. 
And thank you for the Stillness.

Thank you, Hands. 
Thank you for the Caressing. 
Thank you for the Clapping. 
And thank you for the Holding.

Thank you, Mouth. 
Thank you for the nourishment. 
Thank you for the flavors. 
Thank you for the Kisses.

Thank you, Nose. 
Thank you for the Flowers. 
Thank you for the Pines. 
Thank you for the Sniffles.

Thank you, Arms and Shoulders. 
Thank you for the Carrying. 
Thank you for the Burdening.
 And thank you for the Hugging.

Thank you, Voice. 
Thank you for Expression. 
Thank you for the Words. 
Thank you for the Song.

Thank you, Emotions. 
Thank you for the Joys. 
Thank you for the Tears and Sorrows.
 Thank you for the Richness.

Thank you, Mind. 
Thank you for the Focus. 
Thank you for the Knowledge.
 Thank you for the Memories.

Thank you, Spirit. 
Thank you for the Connection. 
Thank you for the Wisdom.
 Thank you for the Depth.

Thank you, Self. 
Thank you for the Laughter. 
Thank you for the Play.
 Thank you for You.

Thank you, Life, for the Abundance that is.
 Thank you for the Abundance that is given.


Thank you for this Day.
 Thank you for the Light. 
Thank you for the Stars. 
Thank you for the Night.

Thank you, Life.

Written by Jenny Lumb, Nia instructor, www.norishflourishnow.com, 828-255-2770

This piece was inspired by www.toltecspirit.com

Body like a machine, or Body like a temple?

There are two ways of being with your body;
● Use your body like a machine
● Inhabit your body like a temple

Use Your Body Like a

Machine
When you look after your body with the intention to make it look good, toned and slim, and beat it into submission through arduous exercise instead of creative and sensual exploration, you are using it like a machine. There is little listening, little consideration of the body’s wisdom and most if not all of your focus is on the aesthetic of the body.
In this way of being with your body, you may find yourself judging, berating, blaming and abusing this human organism, if it does not conform to your ideals (and the images of feminine perfection that are promoted tirelessly in the media). You determine what is true for you based on what the outside world tells you and ignore your own thoughts, opinions, preferences and the crucial element, your intuitive wisdom.
Though you may enjoy sexual intimacy with your partner, you find you are hyper focused on the physical release, instead of the building and sustaining of arousal. You may notice yourself with a wandering mind, feeling obligated instead of inspired to accommodate your partner’s needs, thinking “oh well,” when your own needs aren’t met, and disregarding the sacredness of your own sensuality.

When you honor your body like the temple that it is, and seek to notice and respond to its subtle communications to you about its physical, emotional and psychological state, you are inhabiting your body, living from inside, intuitively, rather than from outside, gazing in from the periphery of the sensory experience.
Still choosing to engage in the activities that keep it healthy like exercise and eating wisely is important, however when you are honoring your physical temple you are more motivated by what you feel and sense, versus what you see in the mirror, and how it measures up to others and to the airbrushed images in the media. In honoring your female temple you also value the emotional and psychological benefits of the level of integrity you experience in being true to yourself, versus internalizing the opinions and standards of others around you.
To inhabit your body is to covet sensual and sexual pleasure and know the value of sustaining versus discharging arousal. You experience your body’s sensual expression as the divine dancing through you and your union with someone you care for or love deeply.
The two ways of being with your body I’ve described above are extremes. It’s unlikely that anyone will be just one or the other. The reality is that most of us dance somewhere between the two, body as machine, body as temple. Unfortunately it would be fair to say that most women tend to lean toward the first extreme, using your body like a machine. I believe that this tendency is a factor in the proliferation of depression, discontent and supreme isolation that many women experience in our world today. Despite the great strides that we as women have made through the decades, it is this disassociation that is hindering further and swifter evolution of the consciousness paradigm shift where peace and prosperity are experienced globally. Rather than just looking at our own blessed lives to measure the evolution of consciousness, we need to also remember the vast number of women who still suffer worldwide. This reality reminds us that we still have far to go before our work as a fully embraced, accepting and inhabiting female community is done. And if you believe in the transpersonal power that we each wield, you will certainly understand that your awakening to this embodiment is an awakening for all women.

Psychology studies show that young girls by the age of 11 have almost entirely stopped referring inward for their own truths, opinions, preferences and values,and almost exclusively refer to the outside world be it family, society or media influences to determine for themselves how they interpret who they are. Educating these young goddesses to move towards extreme number two serves to guide them and all women to look inside ourselves for the answers of our nature and our well being.

The practice of referencing inward, is a body centered way of being that I call Embodied Power.
When we practice looking inside for our personal power, our truth, our innate wisdom, we are practicing embodiment. When we take it a step further and dance that wisdom, we are using our embodied awareness as our creative source and inspiration. I use dance here to refer to any authentic expression be it movement of the body, writing, coaching, mothering or the managing of a company. Once embodied and danced, you are living that very wisdom and power, and can claim the role of embodied leader because of the high level of truth and integrity that you radiate and inspire.

As the founder of Vividly Woman, I actualized for my community the Vividly Woman Embodied Leader training; this program guides women back home to this quality of leadership I’ve shared. We begin with the initiation weekend retreat, Dance Your Power, where participants are intimately reintroduced to their three vital centers of embodied power; sensual, emotional and intuitive. The women who continue to further their learning through the three remaining modules that make up the leadership training program, will 1. radically excavate the authentic and unique truth living in these three centers within, 2. profoundly nourish these three long ignored places and 3. lovingly heal the personal wounds that have debilitated and frozen them most of their lives. Through this work I have had the honor and privilege of facilitating and witnessing tremendous courage and devotion of so many women who’s lives have been forever changed.

The journey of embodied awakening is a lush and winding path, a fertile adventure of birthing and re-birthing yourself, and one I am blessed to travel with brave and beautiful women I call sisters. It is a dance of remembering YOUR vital woman aliveness; spiraling, diving and reaching from deep inside the blessed temple that is your body.

Written by Leela Francis Leelafrancis.com

Finding the real ME in the mix

Will the real Self please stand up????

I look back at my life and marvel at the many faces of me. Often times I can't even connect to the woman who said this or did that. Like amnesia, I read through old journals and wonder.

What are the heart opening memories I connect most to? The times I put mySelf out there and I am proud of me?

I fondly recall spearheading a rally in my small town years ago. I caught wind of a skin head gathering, and without any knowledge of "event organizing" or even a plan. My heart catapulted me into activism. I put up flyers for a town meeting, contacted radio and TV stations, colleges and plastered local business store fronts with "Hate Free Zone" posters. The ACLU found lil ole me, and joined in the effort. People came from near and far to support us.

It was only after the fact that I thought to be self conscious, second guessing my fearlessness. Later that I lay in bed listening to the mind chatter and undermining my yesterday's inspired action. After the mind freak the real me stated a matter of fact that now lives in not only my mind but also in my body, "Wow, one person can make a difference."

What about the other times, when I recoil to remember the knee jerk reactions, that triggered me to close down, the moments I rendered my self inept.

Hearing a woman screaming horrible things to a child and my heart breaking, my mind spinning, feelings of intense rage and violence rising up against the woman. I was paralyzed, the emotional tornado inside me blocking love, clarity, and possibility. Walking away as helpless as the child. Sick to my stomach years later, and even today shell shocked at the replay.

Hearing her voice inside me as I have lost my temper with my own son. Hearing that ugliness spill out onto myself, when I beat myself up in those quiet toxic moments...

The faces and roles I've played consciously and otherwise. Some shine with the motivation of love, grounded wisdom, forgiveness. Others, well I'd rather not say. And yet these are all parts of me!

I am becoming more aware all the time of where I'm coming from. What does that feel like when I am in my Essential Self?

~Like I have all the time in the world.

~It feels gentle.

~I feel compassionate.

~I am calm, centered, and most of all CURIOUS!

Recognizing body sensations of being in Essential Self, I notice:

~A warm contentment flooding my body.

~My breath is free and open.

~I enjoy my heart beating, or the air on my skin, a rumble in my tummy, the tiny subtle body signals that otherwise go undetected.

I am gratefully spending more time here, in this expansive realm, while accepting those other parts that creep in to defend, to distract, to hide me from the "scary truth"...

body issues, inspiration, and a brownie

"Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy... pshh, every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat!"

I wouldn't have laughed so hard if it wasn't true.

Still after all these years I can feel the tension in my upper chest and back of the neck. This is where I carry that lack of trust. The scared part of me that threatens to tell on me if I don't work out, if I have a brownie while I type this. This has been my shame, my dirty little secret... that even now after years of training, numerous therapies, certifications, and coaching other women with their body issues, I struggle. There I said it. Aawwhhhhh! relief. However, Wow, has it ever gotten easier!!!

That is why I do this work. To remind myself, to forgive myself, to rediscover the tools, to be inspired. This is the reason I do the work I do and aspire to live this way. I don't understand it all, I know when I take care of all 4 aspects of me, the tension decreases. I feel sane, grounded, I trust me.

My default is to run in autopilot. My mind in it's most unconscious state is regurgitating old data. It's rigid, rusty, musty, and mean. she gets really mean! She tends to believe she's the all of me.

Ever ask yourself "Is this all there is?" There's no juice, no tenderness, no felt sensation. Instead it's an existence of rules to follow, or rules to break.

Meanwhile under the mind's radar is a stifled down trodden little girl, who is tired of being told she's ugly, fat, not good enough, not smart enough, not rich enough. Sometimes I find her whimpering in a corner afraid to make eye contact. When I give her a voice, I can grow her up. She is wildly creative, and sooo funny. She wants to play, dance, and color outside of lines. The more time I am aware of her, the less time I am in judgement of myself or others, the more time I spend laughing, sometimes crying, always expressing my authenticity. I also remember life can be game.

Another discovery I've made is this eerie and fantastic Intelligence that isn't coming from my Mind. This lively vibrating, electric effervescence, that reminds me of who I have I always been. She gives me hints and hunches. In the quiet of mediation or the cries of lovemaking I find her. Unexpectedly sometimes, but always when I take the time and care to seek Her, She is there. The more time I am in awareness and alignment with Her, the more at peace, and in the flow I Am. Synchronicities abound, divine kisses and nods acknowledge my path illuminated. I have purpose, I have courage.

When these other 2 aspects of me are engaged, my Mind opens to full possibility. She realizes her role is far greater then to boss me and everyone else around. She craves higher learning, listening, and becomes the guide. Gently waiting to move to her next as led by my Spirit body and my Emotional Body. The 3 bodies of Mind, Emotion, and Spirit manifest in my Physical body. Suddenly my body is sacred, it is wise and precious. The loathing I had earlier is dissipated, the stress is released, I am embodied. Everything is alive and everything is okay!

I have been on this journey, practicing, learning, discovering, and intuiting. There is always more, another layer revealing itself to me. This is magical, it's freeing me, and letting me fall in love with me. Once upon a time I thought I hated my body. Actually, I just never knew my body.

Come discover what's been there all along. Contact me for a Discovery Session today! Stop struggling to change it, first why not get to know it? I guarantee you will be very surprised at what you find!